What follows are the gruesome images and horrifying details of a crime so vulgar and insane, it must be real. We have obtained photographic evidence and accompanying footnotes of the two month torture and disfigurement of "Monkey", my dog's favorite stuffed animal. Although the perpetrator remains at large, it is suspected that Monkey was tortured over time, as to prolong his life as a furry punting device. It goes to show you the lengths some animals are willing to go to in order to preserve their play toys while still feeding the urge to chew on inedible objects. No suspects have ever been arrested in this case.

Pictures follow:

"I'm Monkey. Wanna be my friend?"

"Lookie what I can do!"

"E.T. phone home."

"Wee!! Dain Bramage is FUN!"

"I...can't...feel...my...legs..."

"I hope I'm not losing anything important."

"Woah! Things are really gettin' weird man."

"I...have...no...legs!"

"You can't touch this! Na nah nah neh, neh, na neh..."