I decided to do more survival stuff today because surviving is good. The dead dog did some surviving too, it was fun. We built a hobo survival fire so now I am going to teach you how to make one.
The first thing to do is to get the right supplies. Most of the items can be substituted except for the sauce packets. All you need is a can, screwdriver or punchy tool, some hobo toilet paper, and some burning wood. Oh, and lots of sauce packets.

The hot sauce works good but I added a Horseradish packet just to make sure.

Make sure you got good toilet papers. I got three!

Start by poking a hole in the side of the can. Use whatever you have that's good for poking.

Keep poking holes down the side of the can until you run out of holes to poke.
I have not quite run out yet.

It's ok to accidentally poke all the way through a couple times. The survival can needs a couple drain holes anyway.

Now you can poke and roll the sides back while slicing only a couple fingers. Don't slice too many, you will need them to put the fire together.

Unroll the can most of the way and you might even find some old sticky treasures. If you do, lick the can with your friend's tongue first to make sure it's safe.

Now we make the Tic-Tac-Toe.

And add some hobo toilet paper and more burning wood to make a small teepee.

Next you want to break everything else up and just cram it into the can as best you can. This part is easy, just keep breaking and cramming.

Here's the patented secret... add several sauce packets to the survival fire. This makes everything work real good.

You can even roll it back up and have a portable survival fire!

With the sauce packets added, the fire will magically start by itself.

Sometimes the sauce ratios are incorrect and you have to use a friendly assistant.

That ought to stop the squeaks.

Look at that hot sauce go! I think the big one's the horseradish.

Whoa! I think I've stopped enough squeaks.
Can you see the white ghost in the flames? I think he's picking his nose.
That must have been some good hot sauce.

You would never know!
Phil Stewart



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