Phil’s Hobo Humor and Insights

Hobo humor, funny stories, and maybe something useful too.



Stinky Hobo - Survival Fire

June 5th, 2007 by Phil Stewart

I decided to do more survival stuff today because surviving is good.  The dead dog did some surviving too, it was fun.  We built a hobo survival fire so now I am going to teach you how to make one.

The first thing to do is to get the right supplies.  Most of the items can be substituted except for the sauce packets.  All you need is a can, screwdriver or punchy tool, some hobo toilet paper, and some burning wood.  Oh, and lots of sauce packets.

Stinky Hobo Survival Fire Supplies
The hot sauce works good but I added a Horseradish packet just to make sure.

Stinky Hobo Toilet Paper
Make sure you got good toilet papers.  I got three!

Poking holes in the survival fire can
Start by poking a hole in the side of the can.  Use whatever you have that's good for poking.

Poke holes in the survival fire can
Keep poking holes down the side of the can until you run out of holes to poke.
I have not quite run out yet.

Fire can drain hole
It's ok to accidentally poke all the way through a couple times.  The survival can needs a couple drain holes anyway.

Poke holes in survival fire can
Now you can poke and roll the sides back while slicing only a couple fingers.  Don't slice too many, you will need them to put the fire together.

Survival can unrolled
Unroll the can most of the way and you might even find some old sticky treasures.  If you do, lick the can with your friend's tongue first to make sure it's safe.

Tic tac toe survival fire
Now we make the Tic-Tac-Toe.

Survival fire teepee
And add some hobo toilet paper and more burning wood to make a small teepee.

Hobo survival fire stuffed can
Next you want to break everything else up and just cram it into the can as best you can.  This part is easy, just keep breaking and cramming.

Add sauce to hobo survival fire
Here's the patented secret... add several sauce packets to the survival fire.  This makes everything work real good.

Portable survival fire
You can even roll it back up and have a portable survival fire!

Hobo fire gets a little help
With the sauce packets added, the fire will magically start by itself.

Survival fire's friendly assistant
Sometimes the sauce ratios are incorrect and you have to use a friendly assistant.

Hobo fire stops squeaks
That ought to stop the squeaks.

Now the flames get going
Look at that hot sauce go!  I think the big one's the horseradish.

Large hobo survival fire
Whoa!  I think I've stopped enough squeaks.
Can you see the white ghost in the flames?  I think he's picking his nose.
That must have been some good hot sauce.

You would never know
You would never know!

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Power Supply in a Popcan

October 27th, 2006 by Phil Stewart

It is a common myth that a computer power supply will not fit into an empty popcan. The legend goes that whoever shall attempt such a feat will lose all their fingers, start babbling in Mandarin Chinese, and immediately go insane. That last claim is tough to verify since it is also believed that anyone who attempts such a feat is already insane.So, to prove everyone wrong, or right, or maybe to prove nothing at all, I'm going to fit a computer power supply into a popcan... through the small drinking hole in the top of the can... without damaging it. The can, that is, I won't damage the can... I'm gonna beat the crap outta that power supply.


The goal is to fit the object on the left into the object on the right. Sounds simple enough.


This just lets us know that there is a killer inside and it's ok to do this after we have eaten or while high.


Powerman is here to help us! Or kill us.

Read the rest of this entry »

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