Well, it finally happened... I'm pimping out my quality talents to a few lucky individuals.  I've decided to sell myself so if you need a professional butt scratcher, nose picker, or belcher, I'm your guy.

Please note, when I say "butt scratcher" or "nose picker", I'm referring to my own butt and my own nose.  I've been scratching and picking at those for years and am extremely talented at doing so.  When it comes to other people's butts, I'm not so good.  You might want to check Craigslist or your local red light district for that sort of thing.  Perverts.

So, for a limited time, pay me and I'll pick my nose or scratch my butt.  Or whatever.  I'm good at belching too, like real good.  I'll even send you a picture or a video if you want, but that will cost extra.

Here's a list of my top talents:

• Butt-Scratching (expert level 9)
• Nose-Picking (semi-professional)
• Belching (four and a half different languages)
• Farting (still working on this one... need more underwear)
• Drooling (third degree black-belt)
• Spacing Out/Daydreaming
• General Stupidity
• Tummy Grumbling

I can do other stuff too as long as it doesn't involve any effort, physical labor, or really doing anything at all.

As a side note, you can also pay me to NOT do this stuff.  That would be acceptable as well.

Thank you.  Drive through.

PS - (WordPress is onto me... I was filling out the tags for this post and it suggested "Mental Problems".  Ok, Mental Problems it is!  I can do that too.)