Here is your hobo horoscope for some random week in December.

Aries
Mar. 21st - Apr. 20th
My dead dog thinks this will be a good week for you, with lots of cheetos and possibly some used gum... only slightly used, so it's still good.

Taurus
Apr. 21st - May 21st
Think about adopting a pet. Dead dogs are good but try to get one that talks. Dead rats are not good for guarding shopping carts but they have other uses.

Gemini
May 22nd - Jun. 21st
Donate to those less fortunate, a little goes a long way... especially with cheetos.

Cancer
Jun. 22nd - Jul. 22nd
Eat seafood, invent seafood sauce packets. Please share the wealth.

Leo
Jul. 23rd - Aug. 21st
Off to see the Wizard...

Virgo
Aug. 22nd - Sept. 23rd
I heard a song about this once. I tried real hard and then understood stuff I will never remember. You should listen to U2 more often. Invest in gravy.

Libra
Sept. 24th - Oct. 23rd
Do not play rat fireball on days with a "D" in them. It is a bad sign right now and will anger Frank. I miss Frank.

Scorpio
Oct. 24th - Nov. 22nd
Build something. Then put it in your neighbor's yard and claim you don't know where it came from. This is worth 3 brownie points.

Sagittarius
Nov. 23rd - Dec. 22nd
I don't know why but you should avoid pancakes. I saw it in a dream, with shifty eyes and evil popcorn.

Capricorn
Dec. 23rd - Jan. 20th
I feel like you will be severely debilitated in an argument over a crusty bran muffin. You don't want to know where the muffin came from. Just let it go.

Aquarius
Jan. 21st - Feb. 19th
Look into aquiring some mutant goldfish. They can guard your sauce packets.

Pisces
Feb. 20th - Mar. 20th
Something about feces... possibly monkey.