Phil's Advanced Dorkism Demeanor (ADD) shines through in these memorable quotes...

It is not whether the glass is half empty or half full that matters, but what the alcohol content is.

I'll bet a rose named "Decomposing Maggot Warts" doesn't smell so sweet.

Psychic wanted, you know where to apply.

If you're saving for a rainy day, let's hope it's not acid rain.

Money doesn't grow on trees, it grows in our mind.  Besides, trees grow on trees.

Last time I checked, "prevention" wasn't measured in ounces.

A bird in the belly is worth two in the hand.

Ignorance may be bliss, but, um... ooh, a butterfly...

A snitch with wine, saves time.

Big Brother is watching... Oprah.

Measure twice, take lunch... you can always cut later.

Waking up taped to a soda machine is not as much fun as you may initially assume.

A clear conscience is the first sign of amnesia.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth... horses don't like people who stare.

There are ways to make the horse drink the water.

If I had a penny for my thoughts... umm...

In one ear and I don't care where it comes out but it better come out somewhere.

A spoon may not know the taste of soup, but I know the taste of a spoon.

If "There is no spoon", does that make the spork an orphan or a failed science experiment?

When I was your age, I was dead.