What a good book. It was a short story, which is the only type I can read. I start mixing stuff together when the books get too long. Like, I already forgot about that part in 1984 where the dog gets super powers and saves a three-toed sloth. I remembered the part about the hamburgers though. That was a good one.

So in this book the animals can talk, but they can’t remember things very well and have a strange obsession with windmills, beer, and bleating sheep. Oh, and comrades, comrade.

I’m not sure what happened in the book or how it ended because it got boring, so I had to make a lot of stuff up as I read along. But most of it was good. Some parts made me sad, and one part made me think up some new inventions for my Nacho Cheese and Salsa Factory. It’s funny how the story would tell me secret things and include my factory. Please skip over those parts as they are not for you.

I think I will go walk my dead dog now because he hasn’t had much exercise lately. He’s starting to get a little chunky, and that can’t be healthy for him. Plus we still haven’t found a skateboard and rope for him yet.

What a good day!

—Stinky

I have a hard time remembering things sometimes. Like that one time. That’s why I made up my invisible friends who remember stuff for me. But I keep forgetting to remember them, which is a problem because some of them I never remembered to remember. Then there are the ones that I remembered to forget and that is a whole ‘nother problem. Even if you remember to remember them, they are already forgot! Like yesterday.

So I’m doing a whole lot of confusing stuff today and I’m not sure why, but it’s good. Like after I forgot about remembering things, my dog stole a carton of used oranges and we did Foomie Racing™ around the bus stop. It was loads of fun and the dog was going to get some chipmunks involved. Maybe a squirrel, but no evil ones. And then the cops showed up. And we didn’t even get to the dancing!

The cops have a good habit of showing up at the wrong time lately. Especially when I’m having a good day. And that one time, that was a good day too. I need to go Foomie Racing™ more often. Maybe with my magic underwear. No Jikkoms though, they were banned. What a good day!

Man, everyone’s talking about these “learning experiences.” Almost like you have to do something to learn stuff. I remember that I use to learn stuff just by sitting there and trying real hard. It’s really easy and you can do it right now. Or tomorrow. But not yesterday, that’s too late!

So after my learning experience where I didn’t experience anything, I started spot checking things at the convenience store. It’s another fun and easy thing to do that keeps me busy. I gotta keep busy so I can get my Nacho Cheese and Salsa Factory™. Nobody got one before by not being busy!
When I spot check stuff, I get a lot of attention. Usually the good kind, except when my dead dog filled in. That was a good one! But he’s still tired from playing leap frog yesterday, so I let him sleep for a while.

Once I got to the store, there wasn’t much to spot check. I stood in a few check-out lines, then sold my spot to the people behind me a couple times. It was cool because I got a small package of dinner mints, some barely used chewing gum (cinnamon!), and some coupons for unmentionables. Then I fixed some of the magazines and candy bars that were crooked, and made sure there were no hostilities. It was fun. On the way out I mixed up some Cheetos with the Fritos because that will mess with Cracky’s head later. What a good day!

You can have an entire meal in sauce packets. They are great, and they are free. And they are little packets! I started collecting sauce packets when I was a kid. I would get the hot sauce from fast food restaurants then mix it with the gooey snot type stuff and brown pickles from the convenience store.

My mom has several awards and trophies for collecting sauce packets. Plus, one time a long time ago in this one place, she kept a herd of cattle and sixteen wounded soldiers alive for five days on sauce packets alone. And two of them got super powers! Sauce packets are good stuff.